Still learning. . .

I think that May will be the "Still" month.  Last week, "Still Searching".  This week "Still Learning".  I want to thank you for STILL READING. Today is a little different from my normal posts, and it may sound preachy.  Please understand I'm not trying to lecture.  Just sharing from my heart.

      So I tried an experiment this week.  I decided to change what I listen to when I run and see what, if any, effect it had on my run and myself in general.  I decided to listen to a playlist consisting mostly of Contemporary Christian music - mostly Point of Grace and Mark Schultz - two of my favorite Christian artists.  There is some other stuff on the playlist, too, but all of it is more motivational in a slow, deep kind of way, rather than what I normally listen to - "pump you up", fast, up-beat.  The first run I did with this "new" music in my ears, I ran faster.  A LOT faster.  I felt so free.  I felt so GOOD.  I focused on the words in the music, not on my legs.  I looked around, enjoying flowers, trees, people, rather than focusing on my feet and the road.  I listened to God's message in the music and it pushed me to keep running.  I was amazed.  Being a musician, music is what I need to get me going sometimes - and sometimes it's all that can.  I never thought that listening to slow, God-centered tunes would give me the motivation to run farther and faster, but it did.

    I was surprised by the song that pumped me up the most.  It was a song by Mark Schultz.  (This is where my post takes a drastic change in focus.) It's about a family who hears from their doctor that the baby they are expecting will have birth defects.  The doctor gives them their options, including terminating the pregnancy to save themselves and the baby from a lot of suffering and torment.  I remember bursting into tears when I heard this song the first time, because my mom was faced with this choice - with me.  They told her I would likely not survive delivery, because of her "old" age at 42.  They told her if I did, I would likely be a Downs Syndrome baby and would be lucky to live past teen years.  My mom chose to love me and give me life.  The chorus of this song says it all:

I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can
And I wanna live every moment until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved...

     When I hear that, I know that my mom gave me the best gift ever before I was born.  She chose to love me, to let me live.  And it makes me want to live better.  If they let me wear headphones at my 5K, that will be in my ears as I cross the finish line.  Do me a favor.  Listen to the song.   It's on the playlist at the bottom of my blog.  Check it out. 

And this is an article where Mark talks about writing this song:
http://www.cmspin.com/newsmanager/anmviewer.asp?a=5648&z=26

Ok, and I can't resist.  Here are all the lyrics, in case you don't want to listen, or want to read while you listen:

For five months eight days
My wife and I had waited
Getting ready for our baby girl
But when he called the doctor said, “I need to see you”
And “Could you come in soon”
Something died inside of me to sit with him and hear
A test had said our baby may not live to be a year
And turning to my wife he said
What do you wanna do
She said…

I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can
I wanna live every moment, until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved…

So we spent each day, watchin' every minute
And prayin' for our baby girl
And I will not forget the way I felt that moment
When she came into this world
But they took her from the room just as soon as she was born
And watchin' through a window I could see her holdin' on
When a voice inside me said...

I wanna give her the world
I wanna be her dad
I wanna hold her close for as long as I can
and I wanna live every moment until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved...

Well ever since the day
We got to bring her home
She’s been out to prove the doctors wrong
You should see her now
She’s as pretty as her mom
And there’s a boy at the front door waiting just to take her to her high school prom

And he wants to give her the world
Wants to hold her hand 

And someday she may get a wedding band
But she's gonna live every moment until that day comes
We're gonna show her what it means to be loved.

    Having lost 2 babies to miscarriage, I can't imagine not loving any baby - for as little or as much time as we have.  We only had weeks, with our babies only inside, and we loved them so much already.  There are some out there (it may be us!) who can never have a baby and would love to adopt.  Mark Schultz, himself, is adopted and said that his biological mom gave him the best gift ever.  She gave him life - and then to top it off - gave him a great family.  It's a hard choice to make.  I can't how hard it is, but I deserved to be loved and was. . .they all do, too.