Let it Go

So I haven't seen Frozen (insert reader gasp here)... Kate is often scared of movies, and I haven't seen it to "preview" it to make sure it won't upset her.  But I've fallen in love with the now Academy Award winning song, "Let it Go".

This morning, I woke up upset.  I didn't have any contractions wake me up.  My baby is still very stubbornly happy inside me.  And it ticked me off.  I want to hold her, to meet her, to kiss her toes.  And I was letting those desires annoy me that she just won't make her appearance.

For some reason, while I tossed and turned last night, I had Let it Go in my head last night all night.  This morning, I decided I might as well listen to it.  I started to play the song, and tears just flowed from my eyes (I'm still weeping as I write).  It's time to let this go.  My girl is happy being with her mama a few more days - not wanting to share her snuggles, moves, and hiccups with anyone else.  And I'm wishing this away?  WHY?!

And there's another part of this.

Matt and I haven't decided what's next for us.  Will we have more children?  We don't know yet.  We aren't making any decisions yet - we will pray about it and appreciate Megan when she comes and not worry about that for a while.  But it hit me hard this morning - that means - this could be my last pregnancy.  The last time I feel those amazing moves inside me.  And again - WHY AM I WISHING THIS AWAY?

Well, no more folks.  I'll keep drinking my tea.  I'll keep walking.  But I'll love Megan inside me as long as she wants to stay there (haha - like I have a choice?!)

Don't look for more posts about me being upset about still being pregnant.  I'm embracing it fully for the first time this week.  It's frustrating to go through what we have this week and not have a baby to hold, but she's still here.  She's still kicking and moving, and that's wonderful - such an amazing blessing.

The bad attitude?  The wishing her here?  All of that?

I'm letting it go.