Ok, so this is where I am losing it.
It's starting to happen. Kate's getting bigger, growing up - all of those things that Moms tell me they hate when their children do and I chuckle, thinking how crazy they are. Now I'm that mom.
Sigh...
I'm stressing and selfishly sad because Kate is likely losing another nursing during the day. We will now be down to only nursing 4 times a day, and it completely breaks my heart. Maybe it's a teething thing (and just in case it is, I'm pumping extra!!!), but maybe it's her getting older.
Sigh...
When she's quiet and still during her night nursing, I stare at her for so long. She takes up my whole lap, and her legs are sitting on arm of the chair. I remember when she barely reached the end of the Boppy (that we no longer use). I feel this way at 7 months. I now understand how mothers cry at the first day of kindergarten, the first day of high school, graduation, college, marriage. Can't think about it. I'm still getting over losing a nursing.
Sigh...
Here's the real struggle: I know that her growing up and becoming more independent is what she needs to do to be herself. To become the wonderful woman I know she will be. I just didn't want it to start today. I cry every time we lose a nursing. We started nursing 10-12 times a day, now we'll be down to 4, maybe 5 if I'm lucky.
Sigh...
I'm so thankful every day for the joys, frustrations, irritations, laughs, cries, giggles, sneezes, hiccups (on both our parts) that I get from being Kate's mommy. She's so amazing and I thank God He has given me the chance to have my heart strings pulled on so hard.
Pull away, girl, and grow. But don't forget how much your mommy loves you.
Sigh...
2 comments:
What a lucky little girl to have a mommy who feels these things! When I think I can't bear it, I just remember that above all I'm giving her the gift of forever, together. If you think about it, this is our only time in all eternity we will ever love with sadness, too. There must be a reason, so go on and feel it. Love to you all! -Jaime
Oh! how quickly they grow. Enjoy every new change and accomplishment and keep all of them in your heart so that you can pass those memories to your grandchildren. I am now singing the same songs and reading the same stories to my granddaughter and its like having my little girl in my arms again, only sweeter. I love your comments and I love your family.
Veronica Nagy
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